I feel like so many girls felt like they couldn't be allies to one another growing up and it's really disappointing to think that was the way we were encouraged to think. I know I definitely felt the same way and I'm so glad the narrative changed! This is thoughtfully written Soph, I love how you celebrate femininity and female friendship. Your love for women is clear in the way you support other female writers on Substack, you make it such a welcoming and warm place to be! 💕
Oh how I resonate with this. Taught to despite the things that bring us together, mostly in the name to appeal to men - classic. As I was reading your piece, I realised when you said “Silly little podcasts” it made me think, ‘hang on, us girls and women call our hobbies and interests silly little things’ and not once have I ever heard a guy refer to their interests in such a way! (Though I too use the phrase, this isn’t hate!)
The way we’re conditioned to think of ourselves and each other as less, including the things that unite us and bring us closer. I’m done with presenting myself in a way that men will accept
Thank you sooo much for your comment Abigail! I've never really considered the depth of the word "silly" before but I totally agree with you, it knocks us down a peg from the off. But also, some of the things I like *are* silly in the wholesome, switch-your-brain-off way and I'm sure other women have those same guilty pleasures too – I wonder if the phrase came from ownership that we love these things even if they aren't seen as super-important in the grand scheme of things? Careful, we'll be off on some existential investigation if we keep talking about this 😂
You're so right though that we belittle ourselves from the get-go with that phrase!
"I'm done with presenting myself in a way that men will accept" I. LOVE. THIS!!!
Thank you! Hahaha it’s a slippery slope to analysing isn’t it! That’s the old English lit student in me from my GCSE days🙈 but I do like that we have somewhat claimed it as that!
Oh I really enjoyed reading this! It sort of had an opposite effect by making me realise I was never actually a tomboy growing up. My mom would buy me the prettiest dresses but I’d end up wearing my brother’s shorts and T-shirts, not because I didn’t like the dresses but because I loved climbing trees and getting covered in mud. Funny how society’s views can warp our own memories!!
But growing up with two brothers I definitely had to unlearn certain prejudices. Considering I go to Taylor Swift concerts with their girlfriends now I’d like to think I’m doing okay ☺️
Ahh that’s so interesting! I think being yourself is the main thing here isn’t it - no matter who we were/are, as long as we’re ourselves and not putting others down for who they are then it’s all good 🩷
soo relatable, I have run from being a girly girl all my teens to finally pink becoming my favourite colour. And, I would not be who I am today without the women in my life and that would have been the real heartbreak. ❤️
It's wild to me how much we were pushed to hate on each other with the 'not like the other girls' narrative without even realising it. I remember also the whole 'i prefer to hang out with boys, girls are so much drama' craze that swept womankind, which I now look back on and can hardly believe I ever wanted a part of. These days, all of my closest friends are women, and although I love and respect men I can't believe there was ever a time I thought aligning with them was somehow better than embracing feminine friendship. Women are awesome. The world would be so dark without our light.
YES YES YES 🙌 I still know some of the “girls are so much drama” women and I’m like 🥴 I have some incredible male friendships but all of them combined aren’t even an ounce as incredible as just one of my female friendships. I love my girls and have no idea how I’d cope without them!
Growing up I never wanted to be a girly girl or a tomboy. I was always in-between. I wish the media back then showed more options for women instead of girls into makeup and clothes or girls into cars or sports.
YES! I felt the same as you when I was younger, rejecting anything feminine in the hopes of being labelled as 'not like other girls'. But now I love leaning into it, going with the grain, as you say. Being girly is fun, being ungirly is fun, being nuanced is bloody amazing. You've articulated my thoughts beautifully.
Thank you so much!! Yes exactly this! I have friends who are more/less girly, and totally different from one another but we are all supporting each other and that’s what makes us blinking great!
Going with that GRAIN, girl 👏🏻 I feel like I spent so much time in my 20s comparing myself to other women and seeing them as - I’m ashamed to admit - competition. I think there’s something super magical about entering your 30s and realising how absolutely fucking incredible every single woman on this earth is and how much you can learn from each of them. One of my most overused refrains these days is “I just fucking love women” (which I use almost as much as “ I just fucking hate men” 😂😂😂). Woman are incredible. We are literally the backbone of society. I love this post, you’ve so perfectly summed up the absolute brilliant and necessity of the sisterhood.
Loooove this comment Katie, thank you so much for sharing!! You've actually reminded me of when a new girl joined at my workplace a few years ago, and I instantly put myself in competition with her. It took me about 6 weeks to realise we were not, in fact, competitors and she's now one of my best friends 🤣
We are amazing and do amazing things when we pull together. Like you, I just fucking love women 🩷
this is so beautiful. i love that we as women are finally moving away from being pitted against one another and towards embracing our sisterhood. thank you for your incredible piece 💐💘
You touched on so many topics that I agree with wholeheartedly! I am a new subscriber here and this is the first of your blogs that I have read (immediately love your writing!) and it resonated with me so deeply. It seems that us girls live in a world where femininity is shamed by a lot of people, that it is a spot of weakness. But just because we can enjoy wearing a dress that makes us feel gorgeous and feminine or a girly spa day with our friends doesn’t mean that we can’t be strong and independent. Very wise and beautiful article. Keep going!
Thank you so much for your comment and for subscribing! 🫶
You're so right. I think we've been brought up to be one thing instead of many – Elle Woods really broke that barrier of "you can't be pretty/stylish AND smart" in Legally Blonde. Hopefully the tides are turning and we continue to embrace and celebrate that traditional femininity as well as everything else that we are!
Absolutely loved this piece Soph 🥺 I think this is a journey that so many of us millennials go on as we get older. Having never really had friends growing up, I all too easily felt like I was in competition with other women. And everything revolved around boys and the male gaze and impressing boys-disguised-as-men with how different I was.
I'm so glad the tide is changing and we're all about empowering other women and uplifting our femininity. I actually didn't realise how I much I needed to read this to heal all of that nasty internalised misogyny of my teens ❤️
Thank you so much Michelle! And thank you for your lovely comment too 🥰
I totally agree, we've been brought up to be misogynistic towards other women and therefore ourselves to keep these beautiful relationships at bay. Women are so powerful as a collective and I think that's what people have been trying to prevent!
This resonated so deeply! From a young age girls seem to be put against one another and against society. We're always told "it's dumb" or "soft" for liking girly things and growing up this played a big part in me wanting to be different from other girls. Women should feel free to love silly and soft things and not be less because of that. I loved this & I love girl things now. So well put in this, thanks <3
Thank you so much for this lovely comment 🥹 I love that so many of us are turning our backs on what we've been taught womanhood is and redefining it for ourselves. I genuinely think woman are unstoppable when we have each other 💞
I feel like so many girls felt like they couldn't be allies to one another growing up and it's really disappointing to think that was the way we were encouraged to think. I know I definitely felt the same way and I'm so glad the narrative changed! This is thoughtfully written Soph, I love how you celebrate femininity and female friendship. Your love for women is clear in the way you support other female writers on Substack, you make it such a welcoming and warm place to be! 💕
Ella stoppp this has brought tears to my eyes 🥺 thank you for such a lovely comment, I’m so glad I bring that vibe here 🩷
Oh how I resonate with this. Taught to despite the things that bring us together, mostly in the name to appeal to men - classic. As I was reading your piece, I realised when you said “Silly little podcasts” it made me think, ‘hang on, us girls and women call our hobbies and interests silly little things’ and not once have I ever heard a guy refer to their interests in such a way! (Though I too use the phrase, this isn’t hate!)
The way we’re conditioned to think of ourselves and each other as less, including the things that unite us and bring us closer. I’m done with presenting myself in a way that men will accept
You wrote about this so well, Soph ❤️
Thank you sooo much for your comment Abigail! I've never really considered the depth of the word "silly" before but I totally agree with you, it knocks us down a peg from the off. But also, some of the things I like *are* silly in the wholesome, switch-your-brain-off way and I'm sure other women have those same guilty pleasures too – I wonder if the phrase came from ownership that we love these things even if they aren't seen as super-important in the grand scheme of things? Careful, we'll be off on some existential investigation if we keep talking about this 😂
You're so right though that we belittle ourselves from the get-go with that phrase!
"I'm done with presenting myself in a way that men will accept" I. LOVE. THIS!!!
Thank you! Hahaha it’s a slippery slope to analysing isn’t it! That’s the old English lit student in me from my GCSE days🙈 but I do like that we have somewhat claimed it as that!
Omg same here! I studied Lit at A Level too and feel like I sometimes can’t do anything without overanalysing 🤣
I know that pain too well, now I use the skill for Taylor Swift lyrics 😅
I feel you.... all these words speak so deeply. Love it
Thank you so much 🥰
Oh I really enjoyed reading this! It sort of had an opposite effect by making me realise I was never actually a tomboy growing up. My mom would buy me the prettiest dresses but I’d end up wearing my brother’s shorts and T-shirts, not because I didn’t like the dresses but because I loved climbing trees and getting covered in mud. Funny how society’s views can warp our own memories!!
But growing up with two brothers I definitely had to unlearn certain prejudices. Considering I go to Taylor Swift concerts with their girlfriends now I’d like to think I’m doing okay ☺️
Ahh that’s so interesting! I think being yourself is the main thing here isn’t it - no matter who we were/are, as long as we’re ourselves and not putting others down for who they are then it’s all good 🩷
soo relatable, I have run from being a girly girl all my teens to finally pink becoming my favourite colour. And, I would not be who I am today without the women in my life and that would have been the real heartbreak. ❤️
Thank you! Here’s to being women who love and celebrate other women! <3
Everyday !
It's wild to me how much we were pushed to hate on each other with the 'not like the other girls' narrative without even realising it. I remember also the whole 'i prefer to hang out with boys, girls are so much drama' craze that swept womankind, which I now look back on and can hardly believe I ever wanted a part of. These days, all of my closest friends are women, and although I love and respect men I can't believe there was ever a time I thought aligning with them was somehow better than embracing feminine friendship. Women are awesome. The world would be so dark without our light.
YES YES YES 🙌 I still know some of the “girls are so much drama” women and I’m like 🥴 I have some incredible male friendships but all of them combined aren’t even an ounce as incredible as just one of my female friendships. I love my girls and have no idea how I’d cope without them!
100%, women are fantastic
Growing up I never wanted to be a girly girl or a tomboy. I was always in-between. I wish the media back then showed more options for women instead of girls into makeup and clothes or girls into cars or sports.
Yes! There were so many pigeon-holed ideas rather than showing us we could be a little bit of everything!
there is a strange joy in loving what is loved. a sense of belonging. it feels healthier and more fun than having to assert uniqueness constantly.
Yessss you’re so right! Like… these things are often popular for a reason, so of course I’ll like them too!!
Such a lovely post! Thank you for sharing your thoughts 🤗💕
Thank you so much!! 🩷
Brilliant ! ❤️ i felt every word. I’m also proud to be just like the other women.
Thank you so much!! Women are amazing, aren’t they? 🩷
YES! I felt the same as you when I was younger, rejecting anything feminine in the hopes of being labelled as 'not like other girls'. But now I love leaning into it, going with the grain, as you say. Being girly is fun, being ungirly is fun, being nuanced is bloody amazing. You've articulated my thoughts beautifully.
Thank you so much!! Yes exactly this! I have friends who are more/less girly, and totally different from one another but we are all supporting each other and that’s what makes us blinking great!
Going with that GRAIN, girl 👏🏻 I feel like I spent so much time in my 20s comparing myself to other women and seeing them as - I’m ashamed to admit - competition. I think there’s something super magical about entering your 30s and realising how absolutely fucking incredible every single woman on this earth is and how much you can learn from each of them. One of my most overused refrains these days is “I just fucking love women” (which I use almost as much as “ I just fucking hate men” 😂😂😂). Woman are incredible. We are literally the backbone of society. I love this post, you’ve so perfectly summed up the absolute brilliant and necessity of the sisterhood.
Loooove this comment Katie, thank you so much for sharing!! You've actually reminded me of when a new girl joined at my workplace a few years ago, and I instantly put myself in competition with her. It took me about 6 weeks to realise we were not, in fact, competitors and she's now one of my best friends 🤣
We are amazing and do amazing things when we pull together. Like you, I just fucking love women 🩷
this is so beautiful. i love that we as women are finally moving away from being pitted against one another and towards embracing our sisterhood. thank you for your incredible piece 💐💘
Thank you so much Bethany! Here's to incredible women 🩷
You touched on so many topics that I agree with wholeheartedly! I am a new subscriber here and this is the first of your blogs that I have read (immediately love your writing!) and it resonated with me so deeply. It seems that us girls live in a world where femininity is shamed by a lot of people, that it is a spot of weakness. But just because we can enjoy wearing a dress that makes us feel gorgeous and feminine or a girly spa day with our friends doesn’t mean that we can’t be strong and independent. Very wise and beautiful article. Keep going!
Thank you so much for your comment and for subscribing! 🫶
You're so right. I think we've been brought up to be one thing instead of many – Elle Woods really broke that barrier of "you can't be pretty/stylish AND smart" in Legally Blonde. Hopefully the tides are turning and we continue to embrace and celebrate that traditional femininity as well as everything else that we are!
Absolutely loved this piece Soph 🥺 I think this is a journey that so many of us millennials go on as we get older. Having never really had friends growing up, I all too easily felt like I was in competition with other women. And everything revolved around boys and the male gaze and impressing boys-disguised-as-men with how different I was.
I'm so glad the tide is changing and we're all about empowering other women and uplifting our femininity. I actually didn't realise how I much I needed to read this to heal all of that nasty internalised misogyny of my teens ❤️
Thank you so much Michelle! And thank you for your lovely comment too 🥰
I totally agree, we've been brought up to be misogynistic towards other women and therefore ourselves to keep these beautiful relationships at bay. Women are so powerful as a collective and I think that's what people have been trying to prevent!
This resonated so deeply! From a young age girls seem to be put against one another and against society. We're always told "it's dumb" or "soft" for liking girly things and growing up this played a big part in me wanting to be different from other girls. Women should feel free to love silly and soft things and not be less because of that. I loved this & I love girl things now. So well put in this, thanks <3
Thank you so much for this lovely comment 🥹 I love that so many of us are turning our backs on what we've been taught womanhood is and redefining it for ourselves. I genuinely think woman are unstoppable when we have each other 💞