Thanks for sharing your story! When I turned 25, I felt this sudden rush to accomplish everything before I hit 30. It was like there was a countdown in my head, pushing me to do more, travel more, and not miss out on anything.
For five years, I pushed myself hard, always worrying I'd regret not doing enough. But after I turned 30, I realized life isn't about racing against time. Even with all the changes, I could still find ways to do what truly makes me happy. It's about making time for what matters, believing in ourselves, and enjoying life as it comes.
I think there's a huge push through society expectations to achieve before you're thirty - I felt the same... And now over thirty, I feel like I'm getting left behind... 😑 .
I think social media, the “30 under 30”, and this looming “your career is dead if you don’t make it by 25 or 30” really messes with our psyche. I woke up my 25th birthday and sobbed because I didn’t check success boxes.
That being said, I did travel so much in my 20s, and took so many risks. Some amazing, some not, but when I talk to people much older than me, they can’t believe everything I’ve already done in my 20s (even though I feel like I haven’t).
Finding out my design chart, and gut being my main feeling helped me so much. I’m not a rational or logical person. If my gut says do it, I just go! Maybe I have a worst case scenario back up if things go haywire. But we get one life to do and love!
I really appreciate this post and the honesty and vulnerability it shows. And it particularly hits home because of a talk I had recently with my 18-year-old daughter. I told her that if there was one piece of advice I could give my 20-something self it would be, "don't be so afraid." And as a 20-something I was soooooo afraid, of everything. Of my future, of what people thought of me, of what I thought of myself, and most significantly, I was afraid that each decision I made wouldn't be the "right" decision. And because of that I put of ton of pressure on myself about every decision I made.
It was only decades later that I realized that it's very rare for any single decision to significantly impact your life, as life is made up of a never-ending series of decisions, which we have to make in real-time, with the best (and limited) information we have at that moment. Thus, the trick is not to always make the "right" decision, but to learn how to adjust and course correct depending on the results of those decisions.
Oh thank you so much for this comment Brian, that is such amazing advice. So many people around me who are out of their 20s all say they wish they weren't so afraid at this age, so I'm really trying to follow their (and your!) advice and do what I can with the resources I have right now.
This piece resonated with me so much and also made me feel less alone in having these sorts of feelings. I often just want to do everything, and as a result feel like I'm running out of time. Thank you so much for sharing this 🤎
Thanks so much Madeline. I can totally relate to wanting to do everything and then feeling like I don’t have enough time for anything 🥲 It’s so interesting to learn so many others relate to this feeling too.
YES! That feeling of falling behind or running out of time is with me all the time. Have you ever seen Sliding Doors? I always get this feeling like every decision I make is going to change the course of my life and honestly, sometimes we just need to slow down and not take it all so seriously! Also really nice to see so many people feeling similarly in the comments
I actually haven’t seen Sliding Doors but sooo many people talk to me about it! You’re so right, slow down and take your time! Honestly I wasn’t expecting so many people to relate to this, so it’s quite reassuring that we’re not alone.
I really enjoyed reading your post, Soph, and I am five decades removed towards the other end of the spectrum. I guess you can call some of these things developmental imperatives, and the fact that you can reflect on your feelings and your choices is admirable to me. I’m still doing that all these years later with lapses in between. Of course I’m not happy with all of the choices I’ve made, but I have learned from them and I’m happy with my life.
Thank you so much for your comment Marilyn and for sharing your experiences. It's so wonderful to hear you're happy with your life - that's all we can really ask for, isn't it? ❤️
From one 20-something to another, my hat goes off to you. I can relate to your feelings (time going WAY too fast, being paralyzed by indecision, fearing regrets..etc) all too well. As someone who did finally act on several of my hairbrained ideas.....if you feel it true and deep in your gut.....then GO FOR IT! At the same time, I'm recovering from an intense season of burnout. It was entirely self-inflicted, stemming from that exact feeling you write about if "having to do it all NOW!" I too had to remind myself people do amazing things when they aren't just in their 20s. And moreso, I will never be able to accomplish any of those things if I push myself into oblivion and bitterness in the meantime!! All this to say, you're ***definitely *** not alone in this!
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and experiences! I definitely don't want to burn myself out and I hate the thought of not having things to look forward to in later years because I've done it all already. But you're so right, there are some things I just have to go for... and maybe worry about the consequences after the fact! I hope your recovery goes well for you ❤️
You got this! You'll find a balance between "things I must do NOW or else I'll regret it!" And "things that I really really want to do, but it's OK if they happen later!" You will probably run off the rails a few times and go overboard in both directions (dear God I totally have hahaha) but that's OK, because that's how you'll discover your ideal balance between the two.
I feel this... Although I didn't do or get the travelling bug... I don't feel I've missed out, but I do feel time is slipping away from me and I'm being left behind. I also have severe anxiety about life ending... I'm early thirties.
I'm not scared of dying, I'm scared others will die before I get the chance to have the life I want with them... So I hear " go get that life, don't wait " but life is a two way+ thing - it's a balance.
You have to do what's right for you, and consider perhaps a regret will only be a regret if you don't do it... ❤️🙏🏻.
Thank you for your comment Alyce. I feel the exact same way - I don't fear death for myself but I'm terrified of losing precious time with my loved ones. You're so right, I'd rather wish I hadn't than wish I had!
Oof I remember feeling this way!!! I’m in my mid thirties now but my twenties were FRAUGHT with this kind of anxiety. I did a lot of traveling within the country (a four month road-trip around North America + a few stints living in different parts of North America) and just moving (emotionally and physically) constantly.
I say go for the travel! To me, of everything you said it’s the part that is the most feasible and will open you up creatively and emotionally to better understand the other things. I always felt like I got so much clarity from those trips and came back so inspired
Thank you so much for sharing your experiences Angela! Your travelling sounds AMAZING!
I don’t think there’s a particular order to do things, but I agree that travelling at this age is so key and should be done as early as possible. I’m a nomad at heart and there are so many places I want to go!
"The sheer overwhelm of everything I could do vs everything I should do vs what I actually want to do. The limitless options of the ways my life could lead me. Thinking about it makes me want to bury my head in the sand." – This description really spoke to me. The "shoulds" and "coulds" are really thieves of joy, and I too wish to just bury my head in the sand, despite being grateful for all the opportunities and experiences that lay ahead. Thank you for making me feel a little bit less lonely today about such an constant, internal issue.
Thank you so much for this comment and sharing your thoughts too! I don’t think any of us are alone in these feelings, but it’s tough to voice these things sometimes. If there were no consequences and money/time/resources weren’t an issue, what would you do right now?
Ah such a difficult question! I think without any consequences or issues, I would be more confident in the pursuit of the career I want right now since I wouldn’t be so risk-adverse. I have been working on trusting my gut and skills, telling myself I can make it work if I it to. And as cliché as it might be, I would plan to travel more with loved ones. There is so much to see and experience in this world, but obviously time and money can often get in the way.
I can worry about mistakes when I actually make them. - THIS! You're one of the very first substacks I've followed here and I resonate with what you've shared. Thank you for voicing out these thoughts.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this, Soph. It is so incredibly difficult when we have all these desires which are all competing for our money, time and attention.
In my 20s I tried desperately to come up with 5 year plans with all of my achievements neatly plotted on a timeline. While I still think it is still important to identify dreams, I think it is more important to lean inwards and listen to your gut. Things have a funny way of working out when you are living authentically, even if not how you planned.
Thanks for sharing your story! When I turned 25, I felt this sudden rush to accomplish everything before I hit 30. It was like there was a countdown in my head, pushing me to do more, travel more, and not miss out on anything.
For five years, I pushed myself hard, always worrying I'd regret not doing enough. But after I turned 30, I realized life isn't about racing against time. Even with all the changes, I could still find ways to do what truly makes me happy. It's about making time for what matters, believing in ourselves, and enjoying life as it comes.
Thank you so much for sharing your experiences and for this great comment! That last sentence really resonates. As they say, presence is the present!
I think there's a huge push through society expectations to achieve before you're thirty - I felt the same... And now over thirty, I feel like I'm getting left behind... 😑 .
You're so right, but I don't think anyone is getting left behind! I'm a big believer in "you're exactly where you're meant to be right now" ❤️
I'm learning to believe this. I'm learning to trust the process. Great to know I'm not alone ❤️🙏🏻
I think social media, the “30 under 30”, and this looming “your career is dead if you don’t make it by 25 or 30” really messes with our psyche. I woke up my 25th birthday and sobbed because I didn’t check success boxes.
That being said, I did travel so much in my 20s, and took so many risks. Some amazing, some not, but when I talk to people much older than me, they can’t believe everything I’ve already done in my 20s (even though I feel like I haven’t).
Finding out my design chart, and gut being my main feeling helped me so much. I’m not a rational or logical person. If my gut says do it, I just go! Maybe I have a worst case scenario back up if things go haywire. But we get one life to do and love!
You’re so right! There is such an unhealthy culture of ticking off your bucket list in your 20s while also making it career-wise!
Thank you so much for sharing your experiences. I think I’d also be a “go with your gut” person!
I really appreciate this post and the honesty and vulnerability it shows. And it particularly hits home because of a talk I had recently with my 18-year-old daughter. I told her that if there was one piece of advice I could give my 20-something self it would be, "don't be so afraid." And as a 20-something I was soooooo afraid, of everything. Of my future, of what people thought of me, of what I thought of myself, and most significantly, I was afraid that each decision I made wouldn't be the "right" decision. And because of that I put of ton of pressure on myself about every decision I made.
It was only decades later that I realized that it's very rare for any single decision to significantly impact your life, as life is made up of a never-ending series of decisions, which we have to make in real-time, with the best (and limited) information we have at that moment. Thus, the trick is not to always make the "right" decision, but to learn how to adjust and course correct depending on the results of those decisions.
Oh thank you so much for this comment Brian, that is such amazing advice. So many people around me who are out of their 20s all say they wish they weren't so afraid at this age, so I'm really trying to follow their (and your!) advice and do what I can with the resources I have right now.
This piece resonated with me so much and also made me feel less alone in having these sorts of feelings. I often just want to do everything, and as a result feel like I'm running out of time. Thank you so much for sharing this 🤎
Thanks so much Madeline. I can totally relate to wanting to do everything and then feeling like I don’t have enough time for anything 🥲 It’s so interesting to learn so many others relate to this feeling too.
You have to follow your instincts. Let them take the lead.
You’re so right!
YES! That feeling of falling behind or running out of time is with me all the time. Have you ever seen Sliding Doors? I always get this feeling like every decision I make is going to change the course of my life and honestly, sometimes we just need to slow down and not take it all so seriously! Also really nice to see so many people feeling similarly in the comments
I actually haven’t seen Sliding Doors but sooo many people talk to me about it! You’re so right, slow down and take your time! Honestly I wasn’t expecting so many people to relate to this, so it’s quite reassuring that we’re not alone.
I really enjoyed reading your post, Soph, and I am five decades removed towards the other end of the spectrum. I guess you can call some of these things developmental imperatives, and the fact that you can reflect on your feelings and your choices is admirable to me. I’m still doing that all these years later with lapses in between. Of course I’m not happy with all of the choices I’ve made, but I have learned from them and I’m happy with my life.
Thank you so much for your comment Marilyn and for sharing your experiences. It's so wonderful to hear you're happy with your life - that's all we can really ask for, isn't it? ❤️
From one 20-something to another, my hat goes off to you. I can relate to your feelings (time going WAY too fast, being paralyzed by indecision, fearing regrets..etc) all too well. As someone who did finally act on several of my hairbrained ideas.....if you feel it true and deep in your gut.....then GO FOR IT! At the same time, I'm recovering from an intense season of burnout. It was entirely self-inflicted, stemming from that exact feeling you write about if "having to do it all NOW!" I too had to remind myself people do amazing things when they aren't just in their 20s. And moreso, I will never be able to accomplish any of those things if I push myself into oblivion and bitterness in the meantime!! All this to say, you're ***definitely *** not alone in this!
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and experiences! I definitely don't want to burn myself out and I hate the thought of not having things to look forward to in later years because I've done it all already. But you're so right, there are some things I just have to go for... and maybe worry about the consequences after the fact! I hope your recovery goes well for you ❤️
You got this! You'll find a balance between "things I must do NOW or else I'll regret it!" And "things that I really really want to do, but it's OK if they happen later!" You will probably run off the rails a few times and go overboard in both directions (dear God I totally have hahaha) but that's OK, because that's how you'll discover your ideal balance between the two.
This is such great advice, thank you! 🫶
I feel this... Although I didn't do or get the travelling bug... I don't feel I've missed out, but I do feel time is slipping away from me and I'm being left behind. I also have severe anxiety about life ending... I'm early thirties.
I'm not scared of dying, I'm scared others will die before I get the chance to have the life I want with them... So I hear " go get that life, don't wait " but life is a two way+ thing - it's a balance.
You have to do what's right for you, and consider perhaps a regret will only be a regret if you don't do it... ❤️🙏🏻.
Thank you for your comment Alyce. I feel the exact same way - I don't fear death for myself but I'm terrified of losing precious time with my loved ones. You're so right, I'd rather wish I hadn't than wish I had!
Hope you go get the world - please do share it with us - we'll be right with you!! 🤩🗺️
Thank you, I’ll definitely share any and all of my adventures!
Oof I remember feeling this way!!! I’m in my mid thirties now but my twenties were FRAUGHT with this kind of anxiety. I did a lot of traveling within the country (a four month road-trip around North America + a few stints living in different parts of North America) and just moving (emotionally and physically) constantly.
I say go for the travel! To me, of everything you said it’s the part that is the most feasible and will open you up creatively and emotionally to better understand the other things. I always felt like I got so much clarity from those trips and came back so inspired
Thank you so much for sharing your experiences Angela! Your travelling sounds AMAZING!
I don’t think there’s a particular order to do things, but I agree that travelling at this age is so key and should be done as early as possible. I’m a nomad at heart and there are so many places I want to go!
I miss it a lot sometimes!! My husband isn’t much for road-trips so now I take my mom instead 😆
I agree though, anyrhing can be done in any order it’s just a matter of what you want and what’s feasible and where those things meet.
Thanks again for sharing all this 🤗
"The sheer overwhelm of everything I could do vs everything I should do vs what I actually want to do. The limitless options of the ways my life could lead me. Thinking about it makes me want to bury my head in the sand." – This description really spoke to me. The "shoulds" and "coulds" are really thieves of joy, and I too wish to just bury my head in the sand, despite being grateful for all the opportunities and experiences that lay ahead. Thank you for making me feel a little bit less lonely today about such an constant, internal issue.
Thank you so much for this comment and sharing your thoughts too! I don’t think any of us are alone in these feelings, but it’s tough to voice these things sometimes. If there were no consequences and money/time/resources weren’t an issue, what would you do right now?
Ah such a difficult question! I think without any consequences or issues, I would be more confident in the pursuit of the career I want right now since I wouldn’t be so risk-adverse. I have been working on trusting my gut and skills, telling myself I can make it work if I it to. And as cliché as it might be, I would plan to travel more with loved ones. There is so much to see and experience in this world, but obviously time and money can often get in the way.
These are both lovely ideas! Time and money are so often the obstacles, aren't they?!
I can worry about mistakes when I actually make them. - THIS! You're one of the very first substacks I've followed here and I resonate with what you've shared. Thank you for voicing out these thoughts.
Thank you so much! Glad to have you here 🥰
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this, Soph. It is so incredibly difficult when we have all these desires which are all competing for our money, time and attention.
In my 20s I tried desperately to come up with 5 year plans with all of my achievements neatly plotted on a timeline. While I still think it is still important to identify dreams, I think it is more important to lean inwards and listen to your gut. Things have a funny way of working out when you are living authentically, even if not how you planned.