SOPH I LOVE THIS. First of all, I don't think you sound boring at all, cosying up with a book, a big cup of tea and a homemade slice of cake is my idea of a great night. I feel like we're kindred spirits, I've never been someone who likes going out drinking, travelling, I've never had the craving to move to London and make it big. I'm very much a homebody who craves stability, and understand 100% how anxiety inducing it can be to see friends/people you grew up with hitting milestones before you've even considered them. A year ago I felt really stressed that my job wasn't good enough in comparison to my friends who all have quite big and impressive careers, but a year on and I feel really happy and comfortable with where I am because it's MY idea of happiness that matters. It's such a unique and precious thing. You'll never feel comfortable squeezing into someone else's shoes! Thank you for being so open in this piece, I loved loved loved it ❤️
Ella thank you so much for this comment 🥺 You’re too sweet!
You’re so right, we’re definitely kindred spirits.
I love that you’ve recognised that it’s YOUR happiness you want to go after rather than the expectations of others! I’m still working on it but I’m slowly getting there and feeling less uncomfortable with it too.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and for your amazing support, as always 🫶
I feel this so much!! I used to be a bit of a party girl but slowed down in my mid-twenties because I felt wholly dissatisfied. I am now in my late twenties and I'm the quiet person I was always meant to be. Having experienced both sides I can confirm that listening to your body and not always saying yes to everything (which is a toxic trait I had to combat) is definitely the superior choice!
FOMO creeps up on my at times, but in those moments I try not to focus of what others think of me not being there but instead on how I perceive myself or wish to.
Yesss I’m still working on not saying yes to everything! Thank you so much for your comment Nora. I was definitely a partier in my late teens and now, like you, I think I’m where I’m meant to be 🫶
Here’s to listening to our bodies and enjoying those quiet moments!
The fact that all of that is YOUR idea of heaven, is enough. And by the way, it all is a slice of heaven because feeling creative, having those chilled weekends, reading, loving on your partner, that’s what life is about. Being content. If you were meant to be in London, single, or doing a number of different things - you would be. Where you’re at is perfection
Back in January I made an "Ins and Outs" list as part of my resolution. I'll have to make another and include ALL the bulleted lists. It's time to take care of myself wholeheartedly and without guilt. I consider September to be New Years #2, no better time to do this than now :)
I so resonate with this!! I am always asked "Do you have any fun plans for the weekend?" and I go "Not really, just chilling and reading." And I never explain that I am actually baking, reading, making dinner with my family, watching our favourite series, writing my Substack... I think I need to explain that more to people as they think I am just a boring teenager, but in fact that is my dream weekend! I am more of an old soul really and enjoy my quiet home life and books way more then going out (though I do go out to meet friends!). Thank you for sharing Soph, really enjoyed reading your thoughts! 🤗🥰💕
Really enjoyed this piece! So comforting and re-assuring to read. To quote you, "My concern for how people perceive me is something I definitely need to work on. In fact, most of us probably do." - this hit me particularly strongly, it's a big factor behind the name of my Substack being 'Nobody Cares'. We can enjoy life how we want to, free from the fears of what others think. Your idea of joy sounds lovely to me! 💜
Thank you so much for your comment Harriet! Love this – you’re so right, we can enjoy our lives and we definitely shouldn’t worry about what others are thinking!
i feel the same way — my interests and things i enjoy don’t align with the new normal for people our age. it makes me think i’m doing something wrong sometimes, like i need to stop fooling around and get my life together to catch up with everyone else. like… am i living my twenties incorrectly? would i be having more fun if i started drinking and went out to parties and put myself out there to find love? i sometimes wonder if i’ll ever find a relationship just because of how differently i view the world and standards compared to most people that i see irl and online, and then posts like this remind me i’m actually not alone— my people are just harder to find 💜😁
Oh Gloria thank you SO much for this comment! It's very vulnerable of you to share your thoughts like this.
I really feel like Substack is *the* place for people like us. You've asked those questions but really, would you be happier living that life? I doubt it! And even if you did find a romantic partner through that lifestyle, there's no way your values would line up long-term and you'd likely be back to square one.
Keep doing you, because she's blinkin' phenomenal 🫶
I completely know what you mean. I think I’ve always been liked the speed of life you describe and now that I’m a mother and busier than I can handle, reading your description of your evenings literally has me drooling 🤤 so not only is this incredible that you know yourself well enough to love those things deeply—even while hearing some sled-doubt—it’s also very envy inducing for me personally. Haha. Name it and claim it!!
I didn't read your second comment at first and you had me thinking I'd mentioned a phobia of winter sports 🤣
Thank you for sharing your thoughts though Kaitlyn! I have to say, I love this time for me. I know somewhere down the line there will definitely be pets that need walking/cuddling/prioritising and then possibly children too, and when that chaos hits I will probably look back on these years with envy!!
I felt this so hard🥲 I even wrote a similar post like this but I have to admit I still have that feeling of "maybe I should be travelling more, "doing" more etc." but these thoughts only seem to appear when I'm confronted by another person living a completely different life. it's so frustrating. I'm hoping I'll sort these conflicting thoughts out soon haha but it's nice to know I'm not the only one! thank you so much for being honest and sharing like this :')
Yesss! Thank you so much for this comment Candice! It is totally about comparison. If I never saw what other people were doing I would have no issues with my own life. You're right, it is super frustrating.
I love and relate to this so much!! That push and pull happens in my brain and my body — my body tells me how much it loves a slower pace of life and is happy with the cozy life we’ve created, but my brain latches on to people exerting theirselves for success and accesses me of being lazy. What to do? 😂 I’m in my 30s too, and these perceived expectations of others for how I should live my life haven’t gotten that much quieter yet, but I’m working on it!
I'm so glad you've found this relatable but I'm also sorry that you relate to this struggle 🤣 I feel the exact same way - I don't *want* to be like those people so why is my brain also telling me I *should* be like them?! The human psyche is a mysterious thing!
It’s true what they say…the older you get, the less you care about what everyone else thinks or is doing. (I know this because I’m in my 40s now 😂) Your body and your mind need you to do what feels right and if hanging in baking, reading, and crocheting is what speaks to you the most, then you’re doing the right things. It’s not boring if it brings you happiness. 💕 To hell with anyone who thinks otherwise.
You ask at the end if working a stable job with a loving partner is "right." Honestly I feel like you've got a handle on yourself and on life and on being a functioning adult ™️ more than most other folks! 🤣 but I do get where you're coming from. I went through a similar phase where all I did was "stay in" on the weekends, and I'd feel super self conscious when people asked "that's IT?!" as if this is some sin.. !
I think I've been through enough at this point to be pretty darn happy with who I am and - especially - the slow, steady direction I'm going, which I've chosen to imbue with meaning. Curious what your meaning might be :) I wonder if it's simply "I get to enjoy living my life, exactly the way I want, and I can be content in that.."❤️
It's so strange how we perceive each other, because I just don't feel like I have a handle on anything 😂 I love how you've compared staying in to being a sin because this is *exactly* how people react! I get the same when I tell people I don't drink, it's usually something like: "you don't drink alcohol AT ALL?!" 🤣
Thank you for sharing that final paragraph too, I'm so glad you're happy with the direction you're moving in – I'm not sure we can ask for more from this life! And I love what you've shared for my meaning too, I'd be pretty happy if that was it 🥰
...oh Soph....dont...don't get me started on the reactions from not drinking....🤣 I too don't drink at all. I'm happy with that choice, as it was prompted by my partner in supporting his sobriety but really, it's also a values-oriented choice.. Anyway, not gonna launch into a tangent about that! But suffice to express my utter frustration at people's ignorance when it comes to choices like choosing to stay in for a weekend and also choosing not to ...literally poison your body....with alcohol..
Soph this is SO relatable. I feel the same way - I enjoy an early night curled up with a book or movie. A quiet weekend is a refreshing one which makes me happy. But ... we're expected to be going "crazy" in our early twenties. I've had my fair share of craziness, and going crazy every weekend doesn't appeal to me anymore. It's so hard dealing with changing lives and changing expectations!
Thank you so much for your comment Izzy! Yesss to "a quiet weekend is a refreshing one" – I can't tell you how overwhelmed I get if I have too many busy weekends in a row.
I think people just grow in different directions which is where those changing expectations come in, but the trouble is often people apply their expectations of themselves onto others!
Here's to cosy weekends in and early nights curled up with our entertainment of choice 🫶
SOPH I LOVE THIS. First of all, I don't think you sound boring at all, cosying up with a book, a big cup of tea and a homemade slice of cake is my idea of a great night. I feel like we're kindred spirits, I've never been someone who likes going out drinking, travelling, I've never had the craving to move to London and make it big. I'm very much a homebody who craves stability, and understand 100% how anxiety inducing it can be to see friends/people you grew up with hitting milestones before you've even considered them. A year ago I felt really stressed that my job wasn't good enough in comparison to my friends who all have quite big and impressive careers, but a year on and I feel really happy and comfortable with where I am because it's MY idea of happiness that matters. It's such a unique and precious thing. You'll never feel comfortable squeezing into someone else's shoes! Thank you for being so open in this piece, I loved loved loved it ❤️
Ella thank you so much for this comment 🥺 You’re too sweet!
You’re so right, we’re definitely kindred spirits.
I love that you’ve recognised that it’s YOUR happiness you want to go after rather than the expectations of others! I’m still working on it but I’m slowly getting there and feeling less uncomfortable with it too.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and for your amazing support, as always 🫶
I feel this so much!! I used to be a bit of a party girl but slowed down in my mid-twenties because I felt wholly dissatisfied. I am now in my late twenties and I'm the quiet person I was always meant to be. Having experienced both sides I can confirm that listening to your body and not always saying yes to everything (which is a toxic trait I had to combat) is definitely the superior choice!
FOMO creeps up on my at times, but in those moments I try not to focus of what others think of me not being there but instead on how I perceive myself or wish to.
Yesss I’m still working on not saying yes to everything! Thank you so much for your comment Nora. I was definitely a partier in my late teens and now, like you, I think I’m where I’m meant to be 🫶
Here’s to listening to our bodies and enjoying those quiet moments!
The fact that all of that is YOUR idea of heaven, is enough. And by the way, it all is a slice of heaven because feeling creative, having those chilled weekends, reading, loving on your partner, that’s what life is about. Being content. If you were meant to be in London, single, or doing a number of different things - you would be. Where you’re at is perfection
Kathleen 🥺🥺🥺 thank you so much for this! It’s absolutely what I needed to hear 🫶
It's like you've written from my mind, I really understand and feel this 100%. Thank you <3
Oh thank you so much 🥺 I’m so pleased you found it relatable! I hope this has helped you in some way 🫶
Back in January I made an "Ins and Outs" list as part of my resolution. I'll have to make another and include ALL the bulleted lists. It's time to take care of myself wholeheartedly and without guilt. I consider September to be New Years #2, no better time to do this than now :)
🥺 I love this! You’ve totally inspired me to do an “ins and outs” in January too.
Make that list and love yourself unconditionally!!!
I so resonate with this!! I am always asked "Do you have any fun plans for the weekend?" and I go "Not really, just chilling and reading." And I never explain that I am actually baking, reading, making dinner with my family, watching our favourite series, writing my Substack... I think I need to explain that more to people as they think I am just a boring teenager, but in fact that is my dream weekend! I am more of an old soul really and enjoy my quiet home life and books way more then going out (though I do go out to meet friends!). Thank you for sharing Soph, really enjoyed reading your thoughts! 🤗🥰💕
I feel the exact same! I live for these weekends that look like I’m doing nothing but in reality I’m doing lots and feeding my soul!
Really enjoyed this piece! So comforting and re-assuring to read. To quote you, "My concern for how people perceive me is something I definitely need to work on. In fact, most of us probably do." - this hit me particularly strongly, it's a big factor behind the name of my Substack being 'Nobody Cares'. We can enjoy life how we want to, free from the fears of what others think. Your idea of joy sounds lovely to me! 💜
Thank you so much for your comment Harriet! Love this – you’re so right, we can enjoy our lives and we definitely shouldn’t worry about what others are thinking!
I think we should be friends
Let's be friends!! 🫶
i feel the same way — my interests and things i enjoy don’t align with the new normal for people our age. it makes me think i’m doing something wrong sometimes, like i need to stop fooling around and get my life together to catch up with everyone else. like… am i living my twenties incorrectly? would i be having more fun if i started drinking and went out to parties and put myself out there to find love? i sometimes wonder if i’ll ever find a relationship just because of how differently i view the world and standards compared to most people that i see irl and online, and then posts like this remind me i’m actually not alone— my people are just harder to find 💜😁
Oh Gloria thank you SO much for this comment! It's very vulnerable of you to share your thoughts like this.
I really feel like Substack is *the* place for people like us. You've asked those questions but really, would you be happier living that life? I doubt it! And even if you did find a romantic partner through that lifestyle, there's no way your values would line up long-term and you'd likely be back to square one.
Keep doing you, because she's blinkin' phenomenal 🫶
I completely know what you mean. I think I’ve always been liked the speed of life you describe and now that I’m a mother and busier than I can handle, reading your description of your evenings literally has me drooling 🤤 so not only is this incredible that you know yourself well enough to love those things deeply—even while hearing some sled-doubt—it’s also very envy inducing for me personally. Haha. Name it and claim it!!
I didn't read your second comment at first and you had me thinking I'd mentioned a phobia of winter sports 🤣
Thank you for sharing your thoughts though Kaitlyn! I have to say, I love this time for me. I know somewhere down the line there will definitely be pets that need walking/cuddling/prioritising and then possibly children too, and when that chaos hits I will probably look back on these years with envy!!
Can you tell I wrote this while multi-tasking 🤦🏼♀️**self-doubt** **
I feel this SO much!
I'm glad you could relate!
I felt this so hard🥲 I even wrote a similar post like this but I have to admit I still have that feeling of "maybe I should be travelling more, "doing" more etc." but these thoughts only seem to appear when I'm confronted by another person living a completely different life. it's so frustrating. I'm hoping I'll sort these conflicting thoughts out soon haha but it's nice to know I'm not the only one! thank you so much for being honest and sharing like this :')
Yesss! Thank you so much for this comment Candice! It is totally about comparison. If I never saw what other people were doing I would have no issues with my own life. You're right, it is super frustrating.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts!!
I love and relate to this so much!! That push and pull happens in my brain and my body — my body tells me how much it loves a slower pace of life and is happy with the cozy life we’ve created, but my brain latches on to people exerting theirselves for success and accesses me of being lazy. What to do? 😂 I’m in my 30s too, and these perceived expectations of others for how I should live my life haven’t gotten that much quieter yet, but I’m working on it!
I'm so glad you've found this relatable but I'm also sorry that you relate to this struggle 🤣 I feel the exact same way - I don't *want* to be like those people so why is my brain also telling me I *should* be like them?! The human psyche is a mysterious thing!
It’s true what they say…the older you get, the less you care about what everyone else thinks or is doing. (I know this because I’m in my 40s now 😂) Your body and your mind need you to do what feels right and if hanging in baking, reading, and crocheting is what speaks to you the most, then you’re doing the right things. It’s not boring if it brings you happiness. 💕 To hell with anyone who thinks otherwise.
Thank you so much Mica 🫶 “It’s not boring if it brings you happiness” is going to be my new motto!
You ask at the end if working a stable job with a loving partner is "right." Honestly I feel like you've got a handle on yourself and on life and on being a functioning adult ™️ more than most other folks! 🤣 but I do get where you're coming from. I went through a similar phase where all I did was "stay in" on the weekends, and I'd feel super self conscious when people asked "that's IT?!" as if this is some sin.. !
I think I've been through enough at this point to be pretty darn happy with who I am and - especially - the slow, steady direction I'm going, which I've chosen to imbue with meaning. Curious what your meaning might be :) I wonder if it's simply "I get to enjoy living my life, exactly the way I want, and I can be content in that.."❤️
Thank you so much for your comment Niki!
It's so strange how we perceive each other, because I just don't feel like I have a handle on anything 😂 I love how you've compared staying in to being a sin because this is *exactly* how people react! I get the same when I tell people I don't drink, it's usually something like: "you don't drink alcohol AT ALL?!" 🤣
Thank you for sharing that final paragraph too, I'm so glad you're happy with the direction you're moving in – I'm not sure we can ask for more from this life! And I love what you've shared for my meaning too, I'd be pretty happy if that was it 🥰
...oh Soph....dont...don't get me started on the reactions from not drinking....🤣 I too don't drink at all. I'm happy with that choice, as it was prompted by my partner in supporting his sobriety but really, it's also a values-oriented choice.. Anyway, not gonna launch into a tangent about that! But suffice to express my utter frustration at people's ignorance when it comes to choices like choosing to stay in for a weekend and also choosing not to ...literally poison your body....with alcohol..
Yes, yes, YES to this! Like… sorry I would rather not but that literally doesn’t stop anyone else 🤣
Soph this is SO relatable. I feel the same way - I enjoy an early night curled up with a book or movie. A quiet weekend is a refreshing one which makes me happy. But ... we're expected to be going "crazy" in our early twenties. I've had my fair share of craziness, and going crazy every weekend doesn't appeal to me anymore. It's so hard dealing with changing lives and changing expectations!
Thank you so much for your comment Izzy! Yesss to "a quiet weekend is a refreshing one" – I can't tell you how overwhelmed I get if I have too many busy weekends in a row.
I think people just grow in different directions which is where those changing expectations come in, but the trouble is often people apply their expectations of themselves onto others!
Here's to cosy weekends in and early nights curled up with our entertainment of choice 🫶
Exactlyyyyy🩵🩵🩵