The price of privacy

*She writes while sharing her thoughts on a public platform

A few months ago I deleted TikTok, then at the end of May I removed Instagram from my phone. As it stands, the only social media app I have is Substack - and I find that far better for my mental health.

The reason I deleted everything else was because I was sick of seeing other people.

Wait, that sounds mean. Let me rephrase.

I was sick of seeing too much of other people, specifically those I don’t particularly care about or even know.

Seeing their breakfast. Their #OOTDs. Screenshots of text messages. To do lists. Shopping hauls. Bedrooms. Recently-deceased loved ones.

So many things that seem far too intimate to be sharing with potentially thousands of strangers online, or things that are so mundane you can’t possibly think people will care.

Have we really traded our privacy for the bleak repayment of short-term validation?

When did this happen?

Somehow, right in front of our eyes, the online world has seemed to trade places with the physical world. What exists on our devices can feel more real, more valuable, than the things that exist in our reality.

I was a victim of it. Of taking 15 photos of my food before eating it (I still do this) so I could instantly put it on my Instagram story, without even trying it first.

Of documenting my every move, every thought.

Of feeling like I’m missing out, because I’m comparing 100% of my life to the 5% of other people’s that they choose to share.

This is not a “Soph on her high horse” rant. Share what you want to on social media and what makes you happy (lord knows I do this on Substack); what I’m getting at here is how much our privacy and intimacy has been compromised to share these moments.

Say you’re visiting a friend you’ve not seen in a while - how much of that visit would you put on social media?

Would you document it at the time by live posting, would you take pictures during your trip and share afterwards, or would you not share anything at all?

In reality, if you didn’t share anything at all, the world would not change (sorry). Whereas if you’re live posting during your visit, you’re less present thanks to the focus on social media. You’re putting your online existence at a higher importance than those precious moments in your private life.

And it could be a safety issue

I have watched far too many crime documentaries in my time, and as a result I am hyper-paranoid about a ridiculous amount of things - including what I share online.

Photo by Tobias Tullius on Unsplash

For example, my boyfriend and I live in a very recognisable part of our town. We have never, and will never, share photos of the outside of our building or the view out of our windows on any social media platforms where people know us in real life. It would just be asking to get robbed if we then shared we were away.

But really - why do people, who aren’t close friends or family, need to know where we live in the first place? Is it really so important to flex those muscles online?

UK influencers Tommy Fury and Molly-Mae Hague fell victims to this in 2021, when their Manchester apartment was burgled while the pair were in London. As social media stars, it’s sort of their job to share their lives online (to an extent - that’s a different article…) but after the trauma and Molly’s video about the robbery, they no longer share exterior shots of their new home or anything that would allude to where they live or how to break in.

We may not be on their level of fame, but it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be vigilant with how we use our online platforms.

Even live posting when you’re somewhere can be a danger. Particularly for women, we are constantly reminded to follow the safety rules when leaving the house, but what if we’re putting ourselves at even more risk by letting people online know where we are? Combine that with suggestions of your address and all it takes is some sicko to figure out your route home.

I mean, in a dream world people wouldn’t commit theft or stalk others but… yanno. Unfortunately we do have to think about these things because they very much happen.

Is our privacy and safety really that worthless?

When you whittle it down, it’s a pretty rough deal. You’re potentially getting likes and comments, that make you feel a little good for a while, in exchange for key information about your lifestyle.

Privacy is one of the most blessed things we have in this world. I think we need to highlight just how precious it is more often, rather than encouraging people to exploit their daily lives in return for a quick dopamine boost.

So what’s the solution?

This issue is so much bigger than me (lol) but I think we can all consider how much of our lives we put on social media, and why we are putting it on. Of course it’s nice to share holiday snaps, family days out or a damn good meal, but where is the line between these niceties and exposing too much about ourselves?

I think education is really important too. Certainly for me, growing up I had nowhere near enough education around social media and staying safe. But as more generations get to grips with the online world I think it will become easier to educate each other about digital safety.

And, here’s a thought - why not remind ourselves every now and then that social media isn’t the be-all and end-all? We can get into healthy habits around online sharing, such as using platforms like Substack or only sharing event snaps after you’re home safely, so we can all enjoy the online world a little bit more.