“I have never spoken to anyone as disgustingly as I’ve spoken to myself in the mirror over the past few years” damn this hit me. It’s not easy being a woman.
I feel like in recent years, despite more awareness for women’s health, ironically there’s a growing anxiety about our bodies. I see platforms supporting cycle health for example (I have PCOS too) which is great, but I end up in a rabbit hole of dieting I can’t keep up with but have to in order to get my period back.. and although Covid times made me focus more on myself (wellness trends were *booming*), most of these habits are unachievable for a normal person with a full-time job. Especially after seeing The Substance last night, my mind is reeling over how our bodies are seen through a lens of impossible beauty standards whereas it’s simply body mass itself too. It felt felt absurd to me why someone would care *that* much about how they look when they look beautiful to me, and go to extremes to achieve it. But then I’m a hypocrite because the eyes I use for others are so different to those I use for myself.
Thank you so much for this comment Nora. "the eyes I use for others are so different to those I use for myself" is so profound and very true - I look at women shaped just like me and think nothing but positive thoughts.
I might need to watch The Substance. I actually had a chat with someone yesterday about how the media has completely warped our perception of bodies and what is/isn't attractive.
Thank you for sharing your PCOS experience too - it is so under-researched and learning about how it impacts my body has felt like I'm in the dark a lot of the time!
I highly recommend The Substance if you can handle some (absurd at times) body horror. It was a wild ride and although pretty on the nose with the topic, it was packaged beautifully and left me thinking for a while after the lights turned back on.
PCOS is indeed becoming a lot more approachable as a topic which simultaneously gives me a lot more relief as well as added pressure. But in the end, it's all for the better and I'm glad it's talked about now!
I feel that this is an important read for so many of us, so thank you for writing it so openly 🫶🏻 It's important that we keep challenging societal messages and instead, simply love our bodies for what they are: beautiful. As you eloquently said, they carry us through everything and everywhere! So many quotes in this really hit me, and I'm struck by how much worse this feeling seems to be for people growing up nowadays. There's certainly a generational divide. Just recently, an older female relative of mine told me - to my face - that I had "got fatter" while my Mum had "got thinner". It made me feel horrific; I was literally hiding back tears in the moment. But now I just feel anger towards it (and her!) as I realise how utterly ridiculous it is. She also didn't say anything to my Dad and boyfriend who were also in the room, which shows how unfortunately heightened this can be for women (although not exclusive to us!). Body neutrality should never be too much to ask for. Thank you for bringing this complicated phenomena to the surface. It is a beautifully written piece. Sending you all the best 💜
Thank you so much for such a considerate comment Harriet! I’m so sorry this happened to you but unfortunately it’s not uncommon, particularly with women of older generations. I’m not making excuses but I think this is a strong reflection of their own attitudes towards their bodies which I find just as sad.
Yes you are spot on there, it’s so painfully true. And it again shows how ingrained these sorts of views have been for generations before us! So sad all round. Speaking out about our feelings on it now as you have is so empowering in trying to turn the dial 👏🏻
"No matter how kind or unkind I’ve been to myself, my heart has kept beating" - I really needed to hear this at the moment. I'm struggling with my body image and abilities changing due to being diagnosed with ME/CFS and it's quite difficult to motivate myself to want to take care of and appreciate my body when I feel like it's letting me down. Your last few paragraphs really hit home and were the uplift I needed today 💜
Thank you so much Melissa, I'm glad they uplifted you 🫶 Sorry to hear you've been struggling, I can't imagine how challenging that change must be for you. Sending lots of hugs 🩷
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and feelings Soph 🥰 I really think that from the age of being a young teenager to becoming an adult your body really changes and I found that a bit hard to get used to over the last couple of years, but I have found my happy place now and I always need to think that I am here and life is really beautiful. Sending you ❤️ and Biggell is just so lovely! 🐶 Thank you for sharing 🫶🏻
Thank you so much! You're so right, I almost see this as like a second puberty - I was ready for the first wave because I'd been told about it, but no one really warns you for how your body will continue to change as you get older. I'm so pleased you've found your happy place, I think that's all any of us can want 🫶
Sending you love too! And thanks for noticing gorgeous Biggie too, he will always love me no matter what I look like which is the most precious reminder!!!
Whoo, this is extremely relatable. I personally still struggle with my own body image, but I'm happy to have made great strides in not disliking it as much as I once did in my 20's. For me, having kids was a big thing. Being pregnant and watching my body change and grow, whilst having little control on how it appeared was extremely difficult, but also amazing at the same time. Like huh? I'm growing bones in there? A brain? Hands and feet? The female body is the the the most amazing vessel and I love her so much for what she's capable of.
I like how you mentioned that your body has been with you in all these different places, getting you through, and that's right. If you are healthy, can move freely without pain, that's a huge blessing. Growing up, I remember my mom and my aunts making comments on every little bit of weight gain, or when I would go to the table for seconds. Calling my face round and chubby and poking at my arms. At the same time, if I lost weight, they'd encourage me to eat more because there are those in the world going without. Or say I was on drugs..LMAO. Talk about confusing! Now cue social media and everyone comparing themselves to the next person. It's sickening, really. All this to say, you're gorgeous, your body is amazing and it's not a sprint. Every day is a chance to show her some love
Thank you for such a beautiful comment Kathleen 🫶 I can't imagine how bizarre it must feel mentally when pregnant and post-partum, to see your body change in so many ways with literally 0 control. But as you say, you're literally growing a whole human!!! The female body is incredible.
I'm so sorry this happened to you with family members. I think there's a real cycle, particularly with women, of repeating the behaviour that was shown to you. It's very sad and I'm really hopeful that the new generation of parents can break it.
Soph, as a fellow PCOS gal, I felt this in my bones! I wish I could give you the biggest hug.
It's funny how we can be so hard on ourselves, but to me - and I bet you feel the same way -, it is the most heartbreaking thing to hear about how other people see themselves, because I only see the lovely things and I wish they could see them, too. Un-hating our bodies seems to be a lifelong journey, and it's a hard one, but I guess at least we're in it together. Thank you for sharing 💗
I really related to the caption on the images at the end: "Some instances where I have hated my body at the time, and now look back with nothing but love and sadness that I wasn't as happy as I could have been in the moment."
Sometimes when I look back over my camera roll, I find pictures of myself from years ago that I remember feeling super insecure about at the time... and find I don't have the same issues with them anymore. Funny isn't it? Worse still, I then get in a cycle of making up NEW issues, for example: "Oh, my hair was so much longer back then" - and repeat ♻️
Thanks for writing such a raw, wonderful and relatable post.
I FELT this post. Body image is something I've struggled with for much of my life and so I'm so grateful to you for being so open and honest with this post.
I love your emphasis on appreciating your body for what it does rather than how it looks. I loved the part about your dad's teeth—I have the exact same thing about my nose; it's literally my dad's nose and I used to HATE it but now I love it so much more because it just reminds me of him. I think acceptance is something that requires time and patience, but is also a life-long journey. And we're all on it!
Thank you so much for your lovely comment Katie! I'm sorry to hear you've struggled too - sadly it's such a common thing.
I love that you feel that way about your nose! I used to hate mine too but I now feel no type of way about it, which is what I'm working towards with everything else! As you say, acceptance is a life-long journey and we all need to be patient with ourselves at times. Big virtual hugs 🫶
Soph where do I even begin with this post -- immaculately written as always, and with so much heart and openness.
I think everyone, female or male, will be able to identify with this piece in some way. For a start, I don't have a single friend who hasn't looked at their body at some point in their life and questioned it, which is horrendous when you consider the fact that it's the one thing that is always there for us. The beauty industry is unpalatable at the best of times, and I think we grew up in a time where feeling insecure in yourself was really normal?? Like I only really remember body positivity coming into play in my very late teens/early twenties. I still get comments on my body which I thought would stop happening now I'm in my twenties; it angers me SO much because I'm the kind of person who clings to what others say, especially when it's with regards to the thing that houses me - you really can't get more personal than commenting on someone's body. I think the perspective you've shared here of neutrality and appreciating your body for what it does and is rather than what it looks like is the best way to go, I'm with you on this one!
An elite piece of writing. Sending big love your way 💕
Insecurity being normalised is to true. I'd feel much more comfortable telling my friends about something I disliked about myself rather than something I liked, which is so horrendously backwards.
I can't believe you still get comments on your body in this day and age!! The last time I did was in like 2022 and I was just so horrifically taken aback. I'm so sorry this is still happening to you, it baffles me that people pass comment on a permanent thing. I always try and live by the rule of not telling someone something unless they can fix it within 5 minutes (eg food in their teeth) because otherwise you're literally just ruining their day!
Felt this so deeply in my soul Soph, and I'm sending you the warmest hug ❤️
There is such a disgusting hyper-focus on women's bodies all the damn time, as if we didn't have enough on our plates. The beauty standards – hate that phrase so much – change like the wind, and it's exhausting even thinking about keeping up. I've definitely been where you've been and try my best not to beat myself up or lean into the negative self-talk. My body's changed recently, since getting into my thirties, and I really have to work to feel good about myself. Something that's helped is making my evening body cream application into a feel-good routine: candles, slowing it down, appreciating my body and health as I do so.
You’re so right, as if we don’t have enough to worry about this is piled on top! I love your night routine idea, I might have to steal it. I always feel a little better when I pour some more love back into myself 🫶
Soph this hit me in the heart. I’ve been struggling a lot lately with my stomach and every issues so it’s really come at a great time for me. It’s hard to be a woman on social media
This is sweet. I could feel every word as I read them knowing the emotion. I too feel the same and just like you end the post with the line 'My body has never given up on me, so I don’t intend to give up on trying to appreciate it. Even if it’s sometimes tough.' I'll try to appreciate it more and hope you do too! Sending all love your way as a fellow substacker, woman and human being
“I have never spoken to anyone as disgustingly as I’ve spoken to myself in the mirror over the past few years” damn this hit me. It’s not easy being a woman.
I feel like in recent years, despite more awareness for women’s health, ironically there’s a growing anxiety about our bodies. I see platforms supporting cycle health for example (I have PCOS too) which is great, but I end up in a rabbit hole of dieting I can’t keep up with but have to in order to get my period back.. and although Covid times made me focus more on myself (wellness trends were *booming*), most of these habits are unachievable for a normal person with a full-time job. Especially after seeing The Substance last night, my mind is reeling over how our bodies are seen through a lens of impossible beauty standards whereas it’s simply body mass itself too. It felt felt absurd to me why someone would care *that* much about how they look when they look beautiful to me, and go to extremes to achieve it. But then I’m a hypocrite because the eyes I use for others are so different to those I use for myself.
Thank you so much for this comment Nora. "the eyes I use for others are so different to those I use for myself" is so profound and very true - I look at women shaped just like me and think nothing but positive thoughts.
I might need to watch The Substance. I actually had a chat with someone yesterday about how the media has completely warped our perception of bodies and what is/isn't attractive.
Thank you for sharing your PCOS experience too - it is so under-researched and learning about how it impacts my body has felt like I'm in the dark a lot of the time!
I highly recommend The Substance if you can handle some (absurd at times) body horror. It was a wild ride and although pretty on the nose with the topic, it was packaged beautifully and left me thinking for a while after the lights turned back on.
PCOS is indeed becoming a lot more approachable as a topic which simultaneously gives me a lot more relief as well as added pressure. But in the end, it's all for the better and I'm glad it's talked about now!
Thank you, I'm definitely going to give it a watch.
You're so right about the added pressure and simultaneous relief - it's a tricky balance! I'm definitely glad it's more talked about too.
I feel that this is an important read for so many of us, so thank you for writing it so openly 🫶🏻 It's important that we keep challenging societal messages and instead, simply love our bodies for what they are: beautiful. As you eloquently said, they carry us through everything and everywhere! So many quotes in this really hit me, and I'm struck by how much worse this feeling seems to be for people growing up nowadays. There's certainly a generational divide. Just recently, an older female relative of mine told me - to my face - that I had "got fatter" while my Mum had "got thinner". It made me feel horrific; I was literally hiding back tears in the moment. But now I just feel anger towards it (and her!) as I realise how utterly ridiculous it is. She also didn't say anything to my Dad and boyfriend who were also in the room, which shows how unfortunately heightened this can be for women (although not exclusive to us!). Body neutrality should never be too much to ask for. Thank you for bringing this complicated phenomena to the surface. It is a beautifully written piece. Sending you all the best 💜
Thank you so much for such a considerate comment Harriet! I’m so sorry this happened to you but unfortunately it’s not uncommon, particularly with women of older generations. I’m not making excuses but I think this is a strong reflection of their own attitudes towards their bodies which I find just as sad.
Yes you are spot on there, it’s so painfully true. And it again shows how ingrained these sorts of views have been for generations before us! So sad all round. Speaking out about our feelings on it now as you have is so empowering in trying to turn the dial 👏🏻
"No matter how kind or unkind I’ve been to myself, my heart has kept beating" - I really needed to hear this at the moment. I'm struggling with my body image and abilities changing due to being diagnosed with ME/CFS and it's quite difficult to motivate myself to want to take care of and appreciate my body when I feel like it's letting me down. Your last few paragraphs really hit home and were the uplift I needed today 💜
Thank you so much Melissa, I'm glad they uplifted you 🫶 Sorry to hear you've been struggling, I can't imagine how challenging that change must be for you. Sending lots of hugs 🩷
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and feelings Soph 🥰 I really think that from the age of being a young teenager to becoming an adult your body really changes and I found that a bit hard to get used to over the last couple of years, but I have found my happy place now and I always need to think that I am here and life is really beautiful. Sending you ❤️ and Biggell is just so lovely! 🐶 Thank you for sharing 🫶🏻
Thank you so much! You're so right, I almost see this as like a second puberty - I was ready for the first wave because I'd been told about it, but no one really warns you for how your body will continue to change as you get older. I'm so pleased you've found your happy place, I think that's all any of us can want 🫶
Sending you love too! And thanks for noticing gorgeous Biggie too, he will always love me no matter what I look like which is the most precious reminder!!!
That’s the wonderful thing about pets, they will always love you as long as you are kind to them. 🥰🫶🏻
Whoo, this is extremely relatable. I personally still struggle with my own body image, but I'm happy to have made great strides in not disliking it as much as I once did in my 20's. For me, having kids was a big thing. Being pregnant and watching my body change and grow, whilst having little control on how it appeared was extremely difficult, but also amazing at the same time. Like huh? I'm growing bones in there? A brain? Hands and feet? The female body is the the the most amazing vessel and I love her so much for what she's capable of.
I like how you mentioned that your body has been with you in all these different places, getting you through, and that's right. If you are healthy, can move freely without pain, that's a huge blessing. Growing up, I remember my mom and my aunts making comments on every little bit of weight gain, or when I would go to the table for seconds. Calling my face round and chubby and poking at my arms. At the same time, if I lost weight, they'd encourage me to eat more because there are those in the world going without. Or say I was on drugs..LMAO. Talk about confusing! Now cue social media and everyone comparing themselves to the next person. It's sickening, really. All this to say, you're gorgeous, your body is amazing and it's not a sprint. Every day is a chance to show her some love
Thank you for such a beautiful comment Kathleen 🫶 I can't imagine how bizarre it must feel mentally when pregnant and post-partum, to see your body change in so many ways with literally 0 control. But as you say, you're literally growing a whole human!!! The female body is incredible.
I'm so sorry this happened to you with family members. I think there's a real cycle, particularly with women, of repeating the behaviour that was shown to you. It's very sad and I'm really hopeful that the new generation of parents can break it.
Soph, as a fellow PCOS gal, I felt this in my bones! I wish I could give you the biggest hug.
It's funny how we can be so hard on ourselves, but to me - and I bet you feel the same way -, it is the most heartbreaking thing to hear about how other people see themselves, because I only see the lovely things and I wish they could see them, too. Un-hating our bodies seems to be a lifelong journey, and it's a hard one, but I guess at least we're in it together. Thank you for sharing 💗
Thank you so much Marta <3
I definitely feel the same way. It’s so upsetting when people speak unkindly of themselves, but we’re all so used it that it’s just become normalised!
"I have never spoken to anyone as disgustingly as I’ve spoken to myself in the mirror over the past few years."
This was gut-wrenching to read. It sucks that I relate to this.
None of us should relate to that but sadly I think all of us do.
I really related to the caption on the images at the end: "Some instances where I have hated my body at the time, and now look back with nothing but love and sadness that I wasn't as happy as I could have been in the moment."
Sometimes when I look back over my camera roll, I find pictures of myself from years ago that I remember feeling super insecure about at the time... and find I don't have the same issues with them anymore. Funny isn't it? Worse still, I then get in a cycle of making up NEW issues, for example: "Oh, my hair was so much longer back then" - and repeat ♻️
Thanks for writing such a raw, wonderful and relatable post.
Thank you so much! It's so true isn't it? I'm sure all of us look back at certain thing and see them in a completely different light.
Let's not even start on the hair example, I'm constantly wishing mine was doing something different 🤣
I FELT this post. Body image is something I've struggled with for much of my life and so I'm so grateful to you for being so open and honest with this post.
I love your emphasis on appreciating your body for what it does rather than how it looks. I loved the part about your dad's teeth—I have the exact same thing about my nose; it's literally my dad's nose and I used to HATE it but now I love it so much more because it just reminds me of him. I think acceptance is something that requires time and patience, but is also a life-long journey. And we're all on it!
Thank you so much for your lovely comment Katie! I'm sorry to hear you've struggled too - sadly it's such a common thing.
I love that you feel that way about your nose! I used to hate mine too but I now feel no type of way about it, which is what I'm working towards with everything else! As you say, acceptance is a life-long journey and we all need to be patient with ourselves at times. Big virtual hugs 🫶
Soph where do I even begin with this post -- immaculately written as always, and with so much heart and openness.
I think everyone, female or male, will be able to identify with this piece in some way. For a start, I don't have a single friend who hasn't looked at their body at some point in their life and questioned it, which is horrendous when you consider the fact that it's the one thing that is always there for us. The beauty industry is unpalatable at the best of times, and I think we grew up in a time where feeling insecure in yourself was really normal?? Like I only really remember body positivity coming into play in my very late teens/early twenties. I still get comments on my body which I thought would stop happening now I'm in my twenties; it angers me SO much because I'm the kind of person who clings to what others say, especially when it's with regards to the thing that houses me - you really can't get more personal than commenting on someone's body. I think the perspective you've shared here of neutrality and appreciating your body for what it does and is rather than what it looks like is the best way to go, I'm with you on this one!
An elite piece of writing. Sending big love your way 💕
Thank you so much as always Ella 🩷
Insecurity being normalised is to true. I'd feel much more comfortable telling my friends about something I disliked about myself rather than something I liked, which is so horrendously backwards.
I can't believe you still get comments on your body in this day and age!! The last time I did was in like 2022 and I was just so horrifically taken aback. I'm so sorry this is still happening to you, it baffles me that people pass comment on a permanent thing. I always try and live by the rule of not telling someone something unless they can fix it within 5 minutes (eg food in their teeth) because otherwise you're literally just ruining their day!
Sending big love right back at ya 🫶
What a beautiful and relatable piece of writing — thank you for sharing ♥️
Thank you so much! 🥰
Felt this so deeply in my soul Soph, and I'm sending you the warmest hug ❤️
There is such a disgusting hyper-focus on women's bodies all the damn time, as if we didn't have enough on our plates. The beauty standards – hate that phrase so much – change like the wind, and it's exhausting even thinking about keeping up. I've definitely been where you've been and try my best not to beat myself up or lean into the negative self-talk. My body's changed recently, since getting into my thirties, and I really have to work to feel good about myself. Something that's helped is making my evening body cream application into a feel-good routine: candles, slowing it down, appreciating my body and health as I do so.
Thank you so much Michelle.
You’re so right, as if we don’t have enough to worry about this is piled on top! I love your night routine idea, I might have to steal it. I always feel a little better when I pour some more love back into myself 🫶
Soph this hit me in the heart. I’ve been struggling a lot lately with my stomach and every issues so it’s really come at a great time for me. It’s hard to be a woman on social media
Thanks so much Izzy. So sorry you’ve been struggling but I’m glad this came at a good time for you. Sending love always <3
This is sweet. I could feel every word as I read them knowing the emotion. I too feel the same and just like you end the post with the line 'My body has never given up on me, so I don’t intend to give up on trying to appreciate it. Even if it’s sometimes tough.' I'll try to appreciate it more and hope you do too! Sending all love your way as a fellow substacker, woman and human being
Thank you so much Hannah! Sending all that love right back to you 🫶 It can be a tough ol’ world to navigate sometimes!