Loved reading about your journey! I'm in the US, but we have a fairly similar drinking culture. I stopped drinking in October 2023 and it has been the best decision I've ever made. Cheers to you on your journey!
This! I also struggle with British society's norms around drinking. Since lockdown i've tried to find things to do with friends that are *not* about drinking but it doesn't feel as casual as suggesting the pub for people you are just getting to know. I hate that! Great post :)
You’re so right, pub culture is so ingrained that there’s no much else to do that’s just casual! I love this time of year because we can just go to the park or something, whereas winter is very tough!
I moved to London for a year a while back and you’re so right! I wouldn’t say I was an avid drinker but did go out quite a bit before but one night in London wrecked me financially! It was so very difficult to strike a balance between I want to drink and I don’t want to spend out my life savings in one night that the more sensible thing was to take a break from alcohol and it was one of the best decisions i made! Not only did I save up money but also made more of a conscious effort to not rely on alcohol to grease social situations and just be a more social person on my own! Although my break was temporary, it was life changing as I have become a more social and personable in my interactions with new or old friends!
Thank you so much for sharing your experiences! I’m in Shropshire where drink prices are sooooo much cheaper than London, so I dread to think how you coped 🥲 I’m so glad you’ve found a balance that works for you, and that you saved some money while on a booze break!
Oooh this is SO good! 🙌 Thank you for sharing your journey. US here, and as other people have mentioned, the alcohol culture is massive here too. The pressure to drink in a social setting is sooo strong and you're seen as the buzz kill if you don't. I stopped buying an alcohol for the house beginning of '23, and I love that, and only drink at social/work occasions. And I hate that there are times I only drink to *not* be the "odd man out" in those swttings. So. Thank you for talking about this, and thank you for taking a stand for what is right for you!
I totally relate to just drinking to not be the odd one out, I really need to work on those boundaries! Thank you so much for your fab comment Megan and for sharing your experiences!
Great post. When I read your post, I think back to my father when he was in his 20s. His choice to drink a lot directly affected my mom, brother, and me. My two cents is that we often use alcohol as a means to lessen our stress, anxiety, and social inhibitions--sometimes to the point that it becomes a crutch. I agree with you that each person needs make their own decision about how much to drink.
Thank you so much Ron and for sharing your experiences. I totally agree with you, it can become a crutch. I didn’t include it in my post but a lot of my decisions to not drink have stemmed from how I feel (and felt as a child) around others when they’re under the influence - I never want to make someone feel so on edge.
Thank you Megan, I’m also proud of you! It’s so tough when it seems like every form of socialisation revolves around alcohol, isn’t it? I hope the sober movement will slowly dilute things a bit.
The hardest for me is when social events just feel like taunting. As if someone was holding a proverbial carrot up to me on a string and saying "haha, you can't have any!" Sometimes I escape to the bathroom. Some days are easier than others.
I'm 40 and have found myself reconsidering my relationship with alcohol more and more in recent months. In the US and it's so embedded in our culture as well, yet the 'sober curious' movement has helped normalize N/A choices, at least a bit. Thank you for sharing your journey - I appreciated reading!
Thank you so much for sharing your experiences Beth! I think Covid has also aided N/A choices, as we had to be so creative to see each other when pubs/restaurants were closed. Best of luck on your journey to figuring out what works for you 🥰
Brilliant piece Soph! I wrote a similar piece on alcohol in Portuguese culture (where I am from) on Medium recently. There is sooo much of our drinking behaviors that we get from our culture it’s crazy. Loved the way you wrote about it! Hope you keep going against the grain and finding what works for you 🫶🏼
Thank you so much Maria! It’s been so interesting to see that it isn’t just Britain that has such a strained relationship with alcohol. Thanks for sharing your experiences!
I love this so much. I have been on the journey of figuring out my relationship with alcohol for a while now and I am 26. I love hearing others experiences
Really great article, which I thoroughly enjoyed reading. My last drink was December 2013. I can honestly tell you, hand on heart, being sober is the best thing I’ve ever done….for myself, for my friends, for my loved ones, for my career, for my health and now since becoming a mother in my 30s - parent. I don’t miss it, I don’t crave it, I don’t think I’m missing out and I also don’t mind if other people drink and their reasons why (unless, as you say, they are consistently drinking excessively and it’s out of concern). For anyone who is considering dipping their toe into the sober or even sober curious world, give it a go! You have so much more to gain from ‘giving up’ one thing. Trust me, I know 😊
You’re so, so right! If it was up to me I’d have been stone cold sober for the past three years, but the peer pressure gets me regularly. I’m really working on those boundaries.
I've never been a drinker. No major reason, I just decided when I was young. Of course there's been pressure and questions over the years, but it's never really bothered me -- I just say 'no thanks' and if they ask why, I say 'I don't want to' or something similar. And if they make a big thing of it, I just allow them to enjoy the conversation.
I'm not a big drinker, but I definitely feel the pressure to drink at social occasions when surrounded by friends, and a huge part of that is embedded in the fabric of our British society. I've even felt pressured to drink just because of all the questions that come with not drinking which, as you rightly note, isn't how it should be at all.
Thanks for a timely reminder that we're all figuring things out, and a nudge for me to be more firm with my own boundaries ❤️
As someone who doesn't drink, I appreciate this honesty. Sometimes the most sincere stories are the true ones, and those are the exact ones I need when I write stories. Thank you for sharing.
Like you, I spent a lot of time in my late teenage years and early twenties have 'pre-drinks' at friends houses and then going out to clubs. Sure I had fun most times, but it did get to a point where it felt like something you 'just did'. The drinking culture here in Australia is pretty big too.
I made the decision to stop drinking in 2018 -- unless I felt like having a glass at a celebration. But no more than that. I think since then I can count the amount of times I've had a drink on one hand. It just doesn't interest me anymore. But you're right that so many people make you feel bad for not drinking. Like not having a drink is an indirect way of looking down on them. Which it isn't! I just don't want to drink anymore, it doesn't make me feel good.
Anyway! Sorry for the ramble. Loved this post so much -- it's such a great reminder!
You're totally right, it did just start to feel like something I just did for the sake of it and because everyone else was doing it. I had no idea you were in Aus (which is very exciting to me!) but I think you're right - I have a lot of friends who've moved over there and from what they tell me the culture is very similar.
I agree with you about people thinking it's an indirect way of looking down on them. It's not anything to do with other people, I just don't want to drink 😂
Thank you for sharing your experiences - I'm cheersing a soft drink to you from the other side of the world as you start your day and I get ready for bed!
Loved reading about your journey! I'm in the US, but we have a fairly similar drinking culture. I stopped drinking in October 2023 and it has been the best decision I've ever made. Cheers to you on your journey!
Thank you so much Madeline! Yes, I think it is pretty similar in the States. Cheers to you on your journey too - I’m clinking a virtual mocktail!
This! I also struggle with British society's norms around drinking. Since lockdown i've tried to find things to do with friends that are *not* about drinking but it doesn't feel as casual as suggesting the pub for people you are just getting to know. I hate that! Great post :)
You’re so right, pub culture is so ingrained that there’s no much else to do that’s just casual! I love this time of year because we can just go to the park or something, whereas winter is very tough!
I moved to London for a year a while back and you’re so right! I wouldn’t say I was an avid drinker but did go out quite a bit before but one night in London wrecked me financially! It was so very difficult to strike a balance between I want to drink and I don’t want to spend out my life savings in one night that the more sensible thing was to take a break from alcohol and it was one of the best decisions i made! Not only did I save up money but also made more of a conscious effort to not rely on alcohol to grease social situations and just be a more social person on my own! Although my break was temporary, it was life changing as I have become a more social and personable in my interactions with new or old friends!
Thank you so much for sharing your experiences! I’m in Shropshire where drink prices are sooooo much cheaper than London, so I dread to think how you coped 🥲 I’m so glad you’ve found a balance that works for you, and that you saved some money while on a booze break!
Oooh this is SO good! 🙌 Thank you for sharing your journey. US here, and as other people have mentioned, the alcohol culture is massive here too. The pressure to drink in a social setting is sooo strong and you're seen as the buzz kill if you don't. I stopped buying an alcohol for the house beginning of '23, and I love that, and only drink at social/work occasions. And I hate that there are times I only drink to *not* be the "odd man out" in those swttings. So. Thank you for talking about this, and thank you for taking a stand for what is right for you!
I totally relate to just drinking to not be the odd one out, I really need to work on those boundaries! Thank you so much for your fab comment Megan and for sharing your experiences!
Thanks for sharing! As someone who has given up drinking (for several reasons) this all lands hard! Cheers to sobriety!
Thank you so much Niki! Raising a non-alcoholic glass! 🥂
Great post. When I read your post, I think back to my father when he was in his 20s. His choice to drink a lot directly affected my mom, brother, and me. My two cents is that we often use alcohol as a means to lessen our stress, anxiety, and social inhibitions--sometimes to the point that it becomes a crutch. I agree with you that each person needs make their own decision about how much to drink.
Thank you so much Ron and for sharing your experiences. I totally agree with you, it can become a crutch. I didn’t include it in my post but a lot of my decisions to not drink have stemmed from how I feel (and felt as a child) around others when they’re under the influence - I never want to make someone feel so on edge.
So proud of you! American here, large drinking culture also. 4+ years of sobriety under my belt (I'm a recovering alcoholic).
Thank you Megan, I’m also proud of you! It’s so tough when it seems like every form of socialisation revolves around alcohol, isn’t it? I hope the sober movement will slowly dilute things a bit.
The hardest for me is when social events just feel like taunting. As if someone was holding a proverbial carrot up to me on a string and saying "haha, you can't have any!" Sometimes I escape to the bathroom. Some days are easier than others.
Well done for sticking to your sobriety even when it's tough - I'm so proud of you ❤️
I'm 40 and have found myself reconsidering my relationship with alcohol more and more in recent months. In the US and it's so embedded in our culture as well, yet the 'sober curious' movement has helped normalize N/A choices, at least a bit. Thank you for sharing your journey - I appreciated reading!
Thank you so much for sharing your experiences Beth! I think Covid has also aided N/A choices, as we had to be so creative to see each other when pubs/restaurants were closed. Best of luck on your journey to figuring out what works for you 🥰
Brilliant piece Soph! I wrote a similar piece on alcohol in Portuguese culture (where I am from) on Medium recently. There is sooo much of our drinking behaviors that we get from our culture it’s crazy. Loved the way you wrote about it! Hope you keep going against the grain and finding what works for you 🫶🏼
Thank you so much Maria! It’s been so interesting to see that it isn’t just Britain that has such a strained relationship with alcohol. Thanks for sharing your experiences!
I love this so much. I have been on the journey of figuring out my relationship with alcohol for a while now and I am 26. I love hearing others experiences
Thank you so much Danielle. It really is a journey, isn’t it? I hope you find whatever works for you 🫶
Really great article, which I thoroughly enjoyed reading. My last drink was December 2013. I can honestly tell you, hand on heart, being sober is the best thing I’ve ever done….for myself, for my friends, for my loved ones, for my career, for my health and now since becoming a mother in my 30s - parent. I don’t miss it, I don’t crave it, I don’t think I’m missing out and I also don’t mind if other people drink and their reasons why (unless, as you say, they are consistently drinking excessively and it’s out of concern). For anyone who is considering dipping their toe into the sober or even sober curious world, give it a go! You have so much more to gain from ‘giving up’ one thing. Trust me, I know 😊
Thank you so much for sharing your experience Louise! I’m so glad sobriety has been positive for you 🫶
'...comes a horrific peer pressure to drink.'
Yeah, that's one of, if not the biggest factor that nudges people who are otherwise not interested, to drink alcohol.
It's so hard to say no mainly because we want to fit in and gain approval from our group of friends.
You’re so, so right! If it was up to me I’d have been stone cold sober for the past three years, but the peer pressure gets me regularly. I’m really working on those boundaries.
I've never been a drinker. No major reason, I just decided when I was young. Of course there's been pressure and questions over the years, but it's never really bothered me -- I just say 'no thanks' and if they ask why, I say 'I don't want to' or something similar. And if they make a big thing of it, I just allow them to enjoy the conversation.
Thank you for sharing your experiences. I’m really glad you’re able to stick to your boundaries, I need to get much better at it!
The way they get fascinated with your non-drinking, get fascinated with why they're fascinated. Turn the questions onto them, it gets fun!
I am totally taking up this tactic!
Really enjoyed reading this.
I'm not a big drinker, but I definitely feel the pressure to drink at social occasions when surrounded by friends, and a huge part of that is embedded in the fabric of our British society. I've even felt pressured to drink just because of all the questions that come with not drinking which, as you rightly note, isn't how it should be at all.
Thanks for a timely reminder that we're all figuring things out, and a nudge for me to be more firm with my own boundaries ❤️
Thank you Michelle!
I've also felt pressured to drink just because of the questions being asked. It's totally not right.
Here's to boundaries and doing what's right for us, not other people!
As someone who doesn't drink, I appreciate this honesty. Sometimes the most sincere stories are the true ones, and those are the exact ones I need when I write stories. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you so much! 🥰
I love this post so much, Soph 🤎
Like you, I spent a lot of time in my late teenage years and early twenties have 'pre-drinks' at friends houses and then going out to clubs. Sure I had fun most times, but it did get to a point where it felt like something you 'just did'. The drinking culture here in Australia is pretty big too.
I made the decision to stop drinking in 2018 -- unless I felt like having a glass at a celebration. But no more than that. I think since then I can count the amount of times I've had a drink on one hand. It just doesn't interest me anymore. But you're right that so many people make you feel bad for not drinking. Like not having a drink is an indirect way of looking down on them. Which it isn't! I just don't want to drink anymore, it doesn't make me feel good.
Anyway! Sorry for the ramble. Loved this post so much -- it's such a great reminder!
Thank you for such a lovely comment Madeline! 🫶
You're totally right, it did just start to feel like something I just did for the sake of it and because everyone else was doing it. I had no idea you were in Aus (which is very exciting to me!) but I think you're right - I have a lot of friends who've moved over there and from what they tell me the culture is very similar.
I agree with you about people thinking it's an indirect way of looking down on them. It's not anything to do with other people, I just don't want to drink 😂
Thank you for sharing your experiences - I'm cheersing a soft drink to you from the other side of the world as you start your day and I get ready for bed!