I have the same experience my childhood friend said some homophobic things. I was shocked and disappointed but after a while, I came to realize that the difference in our environment and direction inevitably leads to the difference in our perspective and mindset.
My 2 best friends from high school have always been by my side during my lowest points and accepted every part of me. Like you, I also prefer small group of friends where we can feel safe enough to confide to each other everything. We also fall into the "low-maintenance" category. No need for regular update, just once in a while reunion to have insightful conversation and share about our current progress is enough for us to create unbreakable bond. I think that the essence of every good friendship is shared perspective, willingness to listen and accept each other for who they really are, readiness to give support whenever they need.
Thank you for your wonderful article (and a very cute picture of you and your friends 🥰). This makes me want to pick up the phone to call my friends in Australia right way. And yes, I'm really look forward to your post about making friends in our 20s.
Thank you for your lovely comment Alyssa and sharing your experiences. We definitely share similar insights into what goes into maintaining a friendship, and why sometimes those friendships don't work out - my experience was similar to yours in the sense that our different environments and directions changed our friendship completely.
I wish I could restack this sentence - it's a beauty: " I think that the essence of every good friendship is shared perspective, willingness to listen and accept each other for who they really are, readiness to give support whenever they need."
I feel like we don’t talk about this enough. I’ve been thinking a lot about how much easier it was to have friends in college but post grad, people start to go in different directions. It’s much harder to “find your people”
Thanks for your comment Melody. It’s so tough isn’t it? I think physical distance makes it a challenge but also the financial differences - for example my best friend is training to be a jewellery maker so is always skint (lol she won’t mind me saying that) whereas I have other friends who’ve worked full-time since leaving school and can afford to do all sorts. It’s a difficult one to balance!
I understand what you mean about being a low maintenance friend -- I'm the same way. I much prefer one-on-one friendships and struggle in large social situations. But I've found that the friendships I have are quite deep because of that.
It has also amazed me as I've gotten older how my friendships have changed and grown over the years. I don't speak with my best friend since kindergarten anymore after a comment she made after I became pregnant. It made me uncomfortable and even though it was devastating no longer having her friendship, I knew that it was best to move on. For the both of us. But my friendship with my other best friend grew stronger, even though she doesn't have kids of her own. I think it's natural that our friendships grow and change -- but that doesn't make it any less hard!
Thank you for your comment Madeline and for sharing your experience! I think those friendships that grow as you do are the best ones. It’s obviously sad when we lose friends along the way but, as you say, it’s definitely best to move on rather than at least one of you no longer feeling great in that relationship.
You sound like a classic introvert! My friend group has largely stayed the same --- if anything, over the years, I've learned to lean into my introverted side more, to not be ashamed of it!
I have the same experience my childhood friend said some homophobic things. I was shocked and disappointed but after a while, I came to realize that the difference in our environment and direction inevitably leads to the difference in our perspective and mindset.
My 2 best friends from high school have always been by my side during my lowest points and accepted every part of me. Like you, I also prefer small group of friends where we can feel safe enough to confide to each other everything. We also fall into the "low-maintenance" category. No need for regular update, just once in a while reunion to have insightful conversation and share about our current progress is enough for us to create unbreakable bond. I think that the essence of every good friendship is shared perspective, willingness to listen and accept each other for who they really are, readiness to give support whenever they need.
Thank you for your wonderful article (and a very cute picture of you and your friends 🥰). This makes me want to pick up the phone to call my friends in Australia right way. And yes, I'm really look forward to your post about making friends in our 20s.
Thank you for your lovely comment Alyssa and sharing your experiences. We definitely share similar insights into what goes into maintaining a friendship, and why sometimes those friendships don't work out - my experience was similar to yours in the sense that our different environments and directions changed our friendship completely.
I wish I could restack this sentence - it's a beauty: " I think that the essence of every good friendship is shared perspective, willingness to listen and accept each other for who they really are, readiness to give support whenever they need."
This is so true. It’s hard when you know someone at a younger age no longer recognize parts of them anymore
It’s definitely a tough pill to swallow!
I feel like we don’t talk about this enough. I’ve been thinking a lot about how much easier it was to have friends in college but post grad, people start to go in different directions. It’s much harder to “find your people”
Thanks for your comment Melody. It’s so tough isn’t it? I think physical distance makes it a challenge but also the financial differences - for example my best friend is training to be a jewellery maker so is always skint (lol she won’t mind me saying that) whereas I have other friends who’ve worked full-time since leaving school and can afford to do all sorts. It’s a difficult one to balance!
I understand what you mean about being a low maintenance friend -- I'm the same way. I much prefer one-on-one friendships and struggle in large social situations. But I've found that the friendships I have are quite deep because of that.
It has also amazed me as I've gotten older how my friendships have changed and grown over the years. I don't speak with my best friend since kindergarten anymore after a comment she made after I became pregnant. It made me uncomfortable and even though it was devastating no longer having her friendship, I knew that it was best to move on. For the both of us. But my friendship with my other best friend grew stronger, even though she doesn't have kids of her own. I think it's natural that our friendships grow and change -- but that doesn't make it any less hard!
Thank you for your comment Madeline and for sharing your experience! I think those friendships that grow as you do are the best ones. It’s obviously sad when we lose friends along the way but, as you say, it’s definitely best to move on rather than at least one of you no longer feeling great in that relationship.
I have two school best friends that I still see and when we are together time stands still.
Apart from that my friendships tend to link to work colleagues. I like to be with one or two people and not big groups.
I'm the same with my long-term friends, it might have been a year since we last saw each other but it feels like nothing has changed.
My ideal is one or two people as well!
You sound like a classic introvert! My friend group has largely stayed the same --- if anything, over the years, I've learned to lean into my introverted side more, to not be ashamed of it!